I woke up – like any other Sunday morning. I did find it odd that Dom wasn’t in bed and already in the kitchen. I could tell he was antsy. We moved all our plans up by 3 hours. We went to the grocery store, then I sat on the couch looking at the 100 videos he sent me on instagram while he experimented which way he wanted to clean his strawberries. I then went to my moms house, and came back home with his favorite, short ribs. I remember sitting at the dining room table scarfing down these ribs and he was just observing, looking, at me. I looked up “what you looking at!” he responded, “can’t I just stare at my girlfriend.”

He cleaned up the kitchen – and then we both sat at the couch and I took a nap near him. I woke up about 20 minutes before my mom was to pick me up to go to the movies. He was sitting on the ottoman, and I remember jumping on top of him to give him a kiss – I remember him falling back so gracefully and how beautiful and handsome he looked. I started to laugh while kissing him and he said “ugh stop laughing while you are kissing me!”

My mom honked the horn. He asked me “how do you say mother in law in spanish?” I tell him “suegra”. I stood in front of him, and again, in slow motion, I kissed him on the lips as I prepared to leave; we both briefly stared at each other as our lips separated with this serenity, and longing.

He walked me out the door and yelled to my mom “Hola Suegra!” my mom scoffs back at him “no soy tu suegra!” “See you later!” I waved as he waved back, closing the door.

My mom and I went to see the Little Mermaid – halfway through the movie I got incredibly nauseous. She takes me home; I walk into the house by myself.

“Hey babe, I am hooooome!” – all the lights were on; which was odd, I proceeded to turn off the lights, I closed the sliding door curtain – I kept announcing myself but I was hearing nothing in return. I walk into our master bedroom and I see the light from the bathroom on, I think “oh, he is taking a bath and can’t hear me”.

I walked from the bedroom door to the bathroom door – how normal, how whole I felt on that brief walk – how full of hopes and dreams I was then. I wanted to see, and kiss, and hug him so badly when I got home.

Nothing prepares you to find your loved one, unalive, in a pool of blood. No one prepares you for the screams your mouth lets out. No one prepares you for the bargaining you do with God. I begged, begged desperately for this to not be real. I screamed out for my brother, Esteban, to be there, to help me, to bring Dom back, to wake him up.

I remember flipping his body around – as instructed by 911 – to perform CPR on him. I remember blood coming out his mouth and nose; and me yelling at him to wake up – to not leave me.

The police and fire department came – they escorted me outside as I frantically called my mom and sister. The firefighters came inside – and as quickly as they entered, was as quickly as they left. I looked at the police officer, she knew what I was asking with my eyes, and she shook her head to let me know he was not alive. I fell to my knees and held onto the patio railing.

I don’t know what time Dom died. I don’t know what he was doing before he died. I don’t know his final thoughts, or final words. I wouldn’t know how he died until 4 months from this date.

What I do know – was the ways in which my life had just shattered in a million and one pieces. And how I felt everything, so deeply, in ALL parts of me. How my spirit literally left my body in search of him. And the long path ahead, and the work that needed to happen, for me to return to myself.

Photo: A whiteboard calendar that lived on our refrigerator; he would update it monthly with our schedules